I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
