He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well you can't waste a boner
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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