Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
