I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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