So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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