I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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