i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
