You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
50% drunk capacity currently
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
