i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
