I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So many bounce houses so little time
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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