oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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