I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
