This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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