yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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