i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
