dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
