four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
