My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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