So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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