So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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