i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
