so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
