just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
wanna go halves on a baby?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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