No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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