dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
