I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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