When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
