Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
