Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My bed smells like the plague
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
