Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
