I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
