When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
