On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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