I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
