I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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