i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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