Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
