New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
