Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
