Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
