I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
