all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
