he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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