I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
