when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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