That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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