5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
