Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
