i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
