I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
