They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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