im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
