dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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