my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I want her autograph on my taint
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
