i think my tv is drunk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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