So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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