I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
