morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
